My problem is that my wife has been chatting on the internet to another man, and although he is in South Africa, he still makes her feel more loved than I can. He has said if we weren't together he would move over here just to be with her.

Now she is starting to feel the same way about him as he can reach those feelings she had with her first love. I have expressed my feelings about this situation but she does'nt want to stop, and the more she chats, the more feelings she loses for me.

What can I do?

stumped

Dear Stumped

Ah, the old internet chat love triangle. How many times have I seen this one weave its tortured web? It's a lot, that's for sure. And it never gets any prettier.

The problem here is this: how can you, faithful old hubby, with all your warts and faults and peccadillos (charming as they may be, of course) compete with the fantasy man on the Internet, who can do no wrong? He's charming and attentive, and you're cutting your toenails on the couch. It's a hard one to win, that's for sure.

However, never forget that you, sir, are the incumbent, and that gives you certain advantages. You can turn up the romance. You can come home from work with roses and cook a fancy-shmancy dinner. You can sweep her off her feet with tickets to the ballet. You, my man, can surprise her with a carpet picnic and a can of chocolate body paint. What's called for here is a bit of imagination, a bit of time, and a small investment in some quality champagne. And don't just make it a one-off effort. A little bit of romance spread thinly is often better than a big lug all at once. Let's see Mr. South Africa match that!

(And if all else fails, you could accidentally drop the computer out the window).

LoveMan

I am terribly in love. I am in the most perfect relationship but I am always paranoid that it is too good to be true. I cry when he goes out without me as I am afraid that he might find someone better. He tells me so many nice things and that he loves me but I do believe him it'sjust that I don't ever want to loose him. Is this normal or am I overacting. How do I handle this situation?

Lovesick.

Dear Lovesick

Get over yourself and quit tempting fate. If you've got it good, just go with it. You'll discover that the first flush of infatuation will fade soon enough, and what you thought was perfect was nothing of the sort.

In other words, there's plenty of time for the faults in your relationship to become glaringly obvious. Stop trying to find them now.

LoveMan

I am a gorgeous guy that every girl wants but i can't decide who to go with or to just have a few one-night stands. Please tell what should i do and how should i find the right girl for me.

Confused

Dear Confused

Tell me: what colour is the sky on your planet?

If you do indeed own the attributes of which you boast, you are a very lucky man. However, with your current attitude you don't deserve to be with anybody, no matter how irresistible you are.

Keep it in your pants and learn some respect for your fellow humans - once you've learned the value of humility you'll discover all the romance you could want.

LoveMan

Well Ive just started going out with this dam fine girl, and shes never has had a relationship last more than a month only because shes never wanted them too last any longer, but she tells my best mate that its different with me and she wants it to last much longer. Now here comes the problem she is avoiding me. we're been going out for about three weeks now and only seen each other about three time for about 2hours max each time. shes tells my mate that she needs time to get used to have this 'relationship' , and hes another funny thing is she really wants to sleep with me (I've never have sleept with anyone, but she has, but thats not the point) but if she wants me to do that she should spend some time with me. dont ya think?

I tryed talking to her through text messaging about seeing each other this weekend but she said she was buzy, but i asked her weeks back to keep a day free for both of us but now she has something on. She talks to my mate easy coz she respects him (i dont mind them talking) what should i do?

should i ring her and talk to her about it? or should i get my mate to say something to her? or let her ring me when shes ready?

thanks alot,

Nick

I have the feeling you might be waiting a while if you just let her call when she's ready.

I hate to be the one to bring this up, but have you considered the possibilty that your "mate"'s interest in your purported girlfriend is not entirely platonic?

I only ask this because she seems to be talking to him a lot more than she's talking to you. Which to this old cynic rings a few little alarm bells.

What you have to do, young man, is stop relying on second-hand advice and get a direct line to the source, so to speak. While I applaud the use of modern technology, in some situations there's nothing like the old face to face contact. Get in front of the girl, find out what her feelings really are and take it from there. But here's a tip: No-one is so busy that they can't pick up the phone and leave a message every now and then. I'd look for other reasons why you're geting the cold shoulder.

LoveMan