I write to you with an open heart, a heart ready for love man! As you know Valentines Day is only 12 days away and I am desperate to make it a good day, no, no, a great day this year. Do you have any advice on where to meet girls and how to get them to like me enough as to give me their phone number? And what is something you can do for a girl you meet and don't know very well for Valentines Day, that isn't too cheesy and looks cool?

Waiting for love

It sounds to me that you are feeling quite desperate and frankly my boy, desperation isn’t at all an attractive trait. It’s high time you stopped your whining and got on with the job of not just being a man, but being a man with a purpose. You say you’re waiting for love, well, news flash - love waits for no man.

There are plenty of ways to meet girls, but you need to be proactive about it. Why have you waited 12 days before Valentine’s Day to do something about it, when you’ve probably had all year? What you need to do is snatch up as many opportunities as possible to meet your friend’s friends and then their friends and pretty soon you should have a wider pool of potential mates to cast your net over. Failing that you could try the other tactic, become more involved in your local community, sign up for some classes at the local community centre, go to church on a Sunday (there are plenty of nice girls at church just looking for a nice, single boy like you).

Now a little bit of advice on body language. From what you’ve written I’m guessing that you’re the shy type who kind of stands off, watches girls from a distance and raises his eyebrows at them. This simply put, is not cool. Guys who raise eyebrows, especially if they have a monobrow, look decidedly dodgy and send completely the wrong message, especially if it’s love you’re looking for. If you see someone you like - go talk to them and most importantly when they talk to you, look them in the eye and listen or at least look interested, it’s all about eye contact and being yourself, not being cool and looking like you’re out to add to your little black book.

The LoveMan

I have been in this relationship for just over 6 months. I am having fun but it's just not how I want it to be. My boyfriend says that we'll go out and do something fun but we go to the same old mall every time. It's just getting boring. I need to spice it up some, but how? If I suggest something, he'll complain about the petrol and that it's too far away and stuff. I'm getting really annoyed!!!

Please help,
Stuck

Dear Stuck,

You say you're having fun, but "it's just not how you want it to be", and you're "really annoyed". Bit of a contradiction, don't you think?

Six months down the track and it's already monotonous and dull. By the sounds of it, I'm impressed you've stuck at it this long. Judging by your letter, any attempts to spice things up will be futile, so why expend the effort? Ditch the excess baggage, and find someone who knows there is life beyond the nearest Westfield shopping centre.

LoveMan

I recently ended an 11 year marriage and I work with a girl that is going through a break-up after a long term abusive relationship. I have tried to be supportive and she has confided in me several times. I care deeply about her as a friend and have tried to stay objective in giving my opinions regarding her relationship problems.

We recently attended an educational conference in another city and I learned that she was going out with an old boyfriend while there. She introduced me to him and he seemed nice, but I felt uneasy afterwards.

Earlier this week, we got together after work with some friends for cocktails and she expressed interest to me concerning an old friend of mine from school. I was reluctant to answer her questions and later realised that I was feeling jealous. It has really shocked me that my feelings for her are this strong. I really value having her as a friend and I do not want to do anything that would damage our relationship.

I have spent the last week trying to come to terms with this. I feel that I should tell her my feelings, but I want to express them to her such that she will not feel that the friendship will be lost if she does not have romantic feelings towards me. I am prepared for her answer either way, but do not want to lost this friendship. Do you think I'm making a mistake in expressing my feelings to her?

Confused.

Dear Confused

In a word - "yes". They say 'who dares wins', but I'm not sure this is a philosophy you should adhere to for now. You've got all the ingredients to turn your friendship into a proverbial nightmare - the 11-year marriage, the abusive relationship, the jealousy, and the proposed office romance. You need to curb your grand declarations of love. Seeing as you've just come out of an 11-year marriage and your workmate has just ended an abusive relationship, there are more issues here than you can poke a stick at.

Although you say you are prepared for her answer either way, she may not be ready to give one at this stage. And if she is, it may not be the one you want to hear. Have you noticed that she's fawning all over everyone else around you? So hold your horses for now, buddy. What your workmate needs right now is a friend, not another complication. And I think the same can be said for you.

LoveMan

Suddenly last night he told me that he has difficulty to express his feeling to me freely. He said that talking to me is different from talking to his friends and family. He can talk about his difficulty from work and other problems freely with his friends and family, but when he talked with me, he felt that we were talking in a different pace and couldn't develop the topic. He also said he has lots of concerns about his work, his live, and our relationship, but I seems too simple to understand his feeling. I was surprised to hear that. I felt very good when talking to him because he was interested in listening to me and give me emotional support when I showed my worry about my work or other problem. I didn't feel any uncomfortable to our relationship until last night he talked to me.

He suggested that we take a break for a month or two. During the break we don't see each other, and call each other only it is really necessary. He said he wants to spend more time with his friends, talking to his family, and thinking about our relationship and hopefully find a way to fix our problem. We are still in love and want to improve our relationship. However I am still confused with what he said. I need to understand his feeling first. How come I felt so good but he felt so painful.

I don't often talk with my family member about my concerns, but I think I am a very kind and understanding person. But it seems that I can't understand my boyfriend's needs. Could you help me to understand more about our relationship and what I can do to solve the problem, or should I stop trying and move on? Thank you for your help! Hope to hear from you soon!

Ah, the old I need some space routine.

It's clear in your letter that you care for this man greatly. And I sympathise with you as there is nothing more painful than discovering that your partner believes there are serious problems in your relationship when you don't.

Usually the LoveMan doesn't favour taking a break although it does work in some situations - but in your case I am not at all sure that this is going to help your relationship. The two of you live miles apart forcing you to have a long distance relationship which is never easy (whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder?). It seems to me that space isn't the issue here.

Your problems seem to stem from a breakdown in communication - it is not unusual for a man to have difficulty expressing his feelings - or for a woman to not really hear what her man is really saying.

I would suggest that if you don't understand what the problems are that you must talk openly to him about it before you "take a break."

He wants to use this break to "think about your relationship and look for a way to fix the problem" but you should both be looking for ways to mend the relationship. So often we men make the mistake of thinking that we can fix everything - in truth there are two people in a relationship and you must work together before anything is fixed.

Although it hurts it might be wise for you to remember that sometimes when somebody asks for space what they're really doing is trying to end the relationship gently.

LoveMan

Please help! I've had two messages of love in one day. Both men are willing to pay me to have their babies. You have assisted both of these men to write these messages. Now tell me how I should reply. Should I say yes to both? Should I have both of them together? How much child support should I ask for?

So many questions! Help!

Yours Desperately (but hardly sincere)
B.

What a predicament you find yourself in. The question you need to ask yourself is whether or not either of these men are worthy of having a baby with you. Sure they say now that they're going to pay, but we all know this could well just be a clever ploy to get you in the sack and 9 months down the track you'll be changing smelly nappies and taking the father to court in order to get child support.

On the other hand you seem to be quite open to the offers and if in your heart this is what you really want then you need to consider a number of potential problems. You see, B (does this stand for baby?) the key to this whole situation is deciding which of the two men's babies you'll have first and in picking the front runner considering whether or not the other will become jealous. You may find yourself caught up in a strange and bizzare love triangle, which we all know is not a good environment to bring to raise a child in.

I recommend spending a bit of time with both men and deciding which one makes your baby monitor crackle, so to speak. As money seems to be a key motivator for you (and this greatly saddens the LoveMan), the more time he spends with you, the greater your chance of enchanting him further and his offering price going up.

Loveman