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This evocative expression was used by an English hack to explain why Butcher became the captain vice Hussain and is precisely why he will be dropped for the fourth test. Stewart, Atherton, Ramprakash, Hick and Thorp didn't want the job for they had more important matters on hand, like covering their own arses. Which they will do, as the new broom sweeps through England's team. Gatting and Gooch are dumped as selectors, although kept as "advisors." Chris Read the keeper will go as they revert to Stewart in his dual role again. Hussain, new coach Duncan Fletcher and existing chairman David Graveney, will choose the next team. Only Hussain of this three has played test cricket. They promise to start with a "blank piece of paper" but you can bet that the above six will be there straight away, with Tufnell, Mullaly, and Caddick soon after. Add in Tudor with his first test batting, although he will be picked again as a fast bowler who can bat, and there is but one place left. Will it be Silverwood, who has been in every squad, and always discarded? Or will they retain Such because he took four wickets at Manchester? Which brings up Manchester and its liquid sunshine. There are two test venues that have had two separate tests completely washed out over the years and Carisbrook is the other. So it was no surprise to see England saved by the rain. Were they saved? Would we have got them out? All my e-mails disagreed with my proposal that we should forfeit the second innings and give them a chance to win. I believe that would have been the only way to dismiss them, going for the runs and taking risks. As it happened the 70 overs projected for the last day would have made a fine chase for 179, because the pitch was such a limp, soggy pudding. Of course the rain put paid to that anyway, but wasn't it miraculous that a pitch that was so spiteful on the first day became run full thereafter? Seven was the highest number of wickets taken on any day (the second) so why would we have taken eight on the last? It was amusing that Harry had the best bowling figures although Nash took most. What selection options have we for the fourth test? Not many, for the batting will remain. It will depend on the state of The Oval pitch, once the fastest in England. From reports it is now much slower and the pacemen are much less effective. Last year Fraser and Gough bowled out South Africa for England to win that series. We will need to bring in either Allott or O'Connor for extra pace if the pitch is reasonably paced. Perhaps the match at Chelmsford against Essex will provide a clue. It is always an excellent batting pitch there, so if someone like the lefthanders or even Andrew Penn produces an outstanding performance he may force a place. Meanwhile England's pundits continue to tear out their hair. Much of their anguish stems from their belief that we are easy beats. The awful Engel, editor of Wisden Almanac, has now changed his tune from our being the most uncharismatic team at the World Cup, to New Zealand being "unthrilling but pragmatic." Yeah? How about those ten sixes in our only test innings at Manchester? How about our scoring rate of 3.6 per over, exactly double that of England. I know which team I would rather watch. The prospect of an England team like I've suggested above brings little hope there will be any improvement in their approach. It will be both negative and unathletic, as the remnants of their cricket stutter around the field. I am doubling my bet on New Zealand to win the fourth test and the series. | ||||||
